Townsville Astronomy Group

A Charles Darwin approved textbook

Did he write the forward to it

Actually, having seen and experienced the way some people's thought processes work, it's probably a case of them having evolved from the recent descendants of primitive life found in the refuse chucked out by passing UFO's. Then abducted at a later stage for further anal probing

madscientist wrote:

QUOTE:
A Charles Darwin approved textbook:):P

Did he write the forward to it:)

Actually, having seen and experienced the way some people's thought processes work, it's probably a case of them having evolved from the recent descendants of primitive life found in the refuse chucked out by passing UFO's. Then abducted at a later stage for further anal probing:):P

Or perhaps the ultimate progeny of many generations that persistently urinated in the shallow end of the gene pool?

Cripes Vin,

You're on song tonight

Just made up one, myself

Ah...that's why they look yellow. I always thought it was jaundice

Of Course we are all missing an important factor here, and that is the legacy of the Mayan Civilisation.

The Mayans were an exceptionally advanced race who invented several famous things, notably the "Tlaxcalli" or Taco, and Mayonnaise (to spread on a Taco with one's favourite filling). They also invented playing cards by painting pictures on stale Tacos (Taco de Canasta) but most importantly they were obsessed with calendars.

The most famous Mayan calendar maker was Itzachichen, who coincidentally owned the largest Egg farm in the country, supplying only the finest eggs to the Royal Mayonnaise Factory.

Now the King at the time, one Laxacotl III, commissioned Itzachichen to make simply the biggest and most comprehensive calendar of all time, but Itzachichen was a well known procrastinator and told Laxacotl that he would make the calendar when he got A Round Tuit.

Infuriated, Laxacotl ordered the largest millstone from the largest corn flour mill (which coincidentally supplied the flour to the Royal Taco Bakery) to be delivered to Itzacichen with the following message "Here is a Round Tuit. Now that you have one get chiselling or meet me at the Altar"

Of course in those days, a meeting at the Altar had nothing to do with a wedding, but was in fact an invite to a dinner party at which the guest of honour's heart was served as the main course. Understandably Itzachichen preferred not to be the guest of honour, so he took up his hammer and chisel.

Finally, after a two year stone carving frenzy, the now exhausted Itzachichen ran out of space on the Round Tuit to enter any futher dates after Dec 20th 2012, and despaired. "How will civilisation continue after the last date on my great calendar? Without any more dates, surely there will be chaos!" he cried aloud

On hearing this, Itzachichen's chief assistant spoke ominously: "Suppose I could arrange to have the Earth destroyed on Dec 20th 2012 for you......"

(to be continued......)

Meanwhile here is something to entertain you all during this current intermission
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_c6HsiixFS8

So, the chief assistant went on a trip to the land known as USA, to meet the Great Loony Lord Peratt, his Court Jesters Loopy Thornhill and Wacky Talbott, plus a few idiot hangers on who were completely clueless about anything even though they thought differently. The assistant asked about what could be done to destroy the Earth on the appointed date, and the Loony Lord hath decreed that on the said date, a great lightning bolt from the heavens will smite the surface of the planet, being the Great Plasma God's wrath on the heretics who believed in real science and were confident of their knowledge.

So, after about 1100 years, the day finally came...nothing happened. Not a single spark of static or a teeny weeny magnetic field was to be seen. Everyone that knew about it, saw through the charade of the Great Loony Lord and his follower's nonsense, but despite of this the fools kept on saying that the world would end....just on another date. The Great Plasma God had to go out shopping with his wife, for her brother's up coming wedding to Camilla Parker-Bowles (who had recently divorced Ponce Charlie). But despite this even, the followers of the PC (plasma cosmology religion) were so sure of themselves, they even bought rubber soled shoes, just in case there was a lightning discharge emanating from the Great Plasma God's rectal orifice. Some even had to extricate their heads from said orifice, just in case

madscientist wrote:

QUOTE:
So, the chief assistant went on a trip to the land known as USA, to meet the Great Loony Lord Peratt, his Court Jesters Loopy Thornhill and Wacky Talbott, plus a few idiot hangers on who were completely clueless about anything even though they thought differently. The assistant asked about what could be done to destroy the Earth on the appointed date, and the Loony Lord hath decreed that on the said date, a great lightning bolt from the heavens will smite the surface of the planet, being the Great Plasma God's wrath on the heretics who believed in real science and were confident of their knowledge.

So, after about 1100 years, the day finally came...nothing happened. Not a single spark of static or a teeny weeny magnetic field was to be seen. Everyone that knew about it, saw through the charade of the Great Loony Lord and his follower's nonsense, but despite of this the fools kept on saying that the world would end....just on another date. The Great Plasma God had to go out shopping with his wife, for her brother's up coming wedding to Camilla Parker-Bowles (who had recently divorced Ponce Charlie). But despite this even, the followers of the PC (plasma cosmology religion) were so sure of themselves, they even bought rubber soled shoes, just in case there was a lightning discharge emanating from the Great Plasma God's rectal orifice. Some even had to extricate their heads from said orifice, just in case:P :laugh:

Eeerrmm, no.

But since you mention a place called USA I thought this quote from my Guest Speaker and Public Appearance notes may interest you

QUOTE:
I have been studying some history recently, via that impeccable source "Sherman and Peabody" and have just discovered that someone made a big mistake about 500 years ago.

In honour of some sailor or another, a cartographer drew a map and added the name "America" to the place he drew, but America was this blokes first name! That is totally illogical. Given that protocol Bolivia should be called Simonia, and Rhodesia should have been Cecilia. Well I think not.

Therefore I have decided to correct this error by using the traditional protocol for naming places after people.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the United States of Vespuccia

Furthermore I have written to Mr Obama advising him of this error, and I look forward to his next address which should start with "My fellow Vespuccians...."

Well, that's the story I heard from a passing traveler. I suppose you can never know what they're saying is the truth or a bit of spin

Well, looking forward to the end of the story

Well now, have to change all the maps from USA to USV

Before continuing, it is now becoming apparent that I must reinforce some well known facts.

Of course these facts will take all the dramatic effect from the saga of Itzachichen and the Great Round Tuit, but in the interests of Science one has little choice, dear reader, does one?

Itzachichen's chief assistant was (and still is) Nibirian.

Nibiru is in fact real, as all seasoned astronomers know, but we do tend to bow down to the pressure applied by the Vespuccian CIA to keep the fact low key.

Nibiru is a planet of similar size and conformity to our own Earth but it exists mostly in the nearest parallel Universe to our Solar System. I say "mostly" as the Nibirians have mastered the Science of being able to shift their planet into any Universe at will, as they see fit

Since the dawn of Earthbound Mankind, when the creatures of Simian appearance first left the trees and took up the first bones and swung them at each other whilst dancing around a black monolith to the refrains of Eugene Ormandy's interpretation of Richard Strauss's "Creation of the World" from "Also Sprach Zarathustra" the Nibirians have been watching. Yes it was a Nibirian disguised as a Monolith in those days.

It is important to note that whilst Zarathustra represents the pinnacle of Nietzsche's Ubermenchen or "Supermen" that neither Clarke Kent nor Lois Lane were involved

Every few years during our human transition from the treetops to our perceived civilised state our Nibirian observers change shift. This is accomplished by Nibiru appearing in our Solar System about halfway between Mars and Jupiter for a few hours, whilst the Nibirians on human watch duty make a quick quantum leap to Earth and assume a form relevant to the period of our evolution, and those Nibirians coming off shift go home.

Nibirians gave up solid form before our solar system was born and can assume any physical shape they desire

One of the most interesting transitions was of course during the great Nibirian/Martian disagreement when a consortium of Nibirians took exception to the arrogance of the Martian population and built the Great Pyramids of Egypt, using said Pyramids as a focusing device which drained all the Martian canals and transferred all the Martian water supply to the Nile Valley, thereby creating the Mediterranean Sea and wreaking genocide on Mars.

I digress.

Its easy to prove the existence of Niburu to the lay person. One only needs to look at Google Sky and sure enough, just right between Mars and Jupiter there is a zero/nothing/black/edited out patch. The Vespuccian CIA have deliberately put that blank there so that if and when Nibiru re appears, well it won't be seen.

It is also important to be aware that Nibiru is not Planet X. Planet X is actually the planet after Planet W and before Planet Y and is the galaxy's major source of Illudium Phosdex, which as all educated people know is the Shaving Cream atom